Pioneer Chicken

Hello? Is anybody out there?

As a kid of the '80s I grew up with two kinds of fast food fried chicken: Kentucky Fried and Pioneer. My choice was Pioneer.

First of all, a kid doesn't care about herbs and spices. Second, things that are fried are supposed to be crispy. The Colonial's original recipe is NOT crispy.

Soggy Fried Chicken

But most importantly, Pioneer chicken was suuuuuuuuuper greasy. It was finger-lickin', bowel-lubricating guuuuuuuud.

Better in a Box

FUCK

Disneyland Corn Dogs - Crispy Deliciousness Like No Other!

Check out this exclusive video of me enjoying a delicious contribution to obesity caused by eating food at Disneyland! (Does that sentence make sense?!)

Part of a Balanced Breakfast

The only reason why I love Lucky Charms is for those stale, crispy marshmallows. Get yours at CerealMarshmallows.com

Remember This?

Yeah, neither do I.

They Plump When You...

It's Labor Day weekend. Labor Day means barbecues. And barbecues means hot dogs. As a child of the '80s my hot dog of choice was Ballpark Franks.

They *plump* when you cook them.

I didn't quite understand the kinkiness of that slogan, but the phallic commercial made me feel... strange... and excited.

Stick this in your bun!



But my favorite childhood hot dog wasn't a hot dog. It was the Oscar Mayer CHEESE dog. Sure it didn't plump (giggle), but it had a creamy, cheesy center. A scientific food marvel that blew my mind. How can you resist this?

MAKIN' STUFF! Hi-C's Ecto Cooler!!!

That's right kids, for the first ever "MAKIN' STUFF" segment here on 80sfat, I made a very special video for you guys! Sara and I attempt to recreate everyone's favorite sugar-doused children's drink of the 80s: Hi-C's Ecto Cooler! Based on the beloved "The Real Ghostbusters" cartoon series, Ecto Cooler featured America's favorite dead guy Slimer smack-dab on the cover!

Even though the drink doesn't exist anymore, that doesn't mean we can't try to get all scientific and shit and make our own! OR at least try to recreate that Orangy-Tangeriney treat!

Check out this special video, and see what happens!

Have a BALL!

I remember it still. Popping open the canister. Carefully, slowly putting my hand in as to not touch the metal, razor-sharp edge at the top with my Operation gameplay steadiness. I'd grab as many as I could and stuff them all in my mouth.

Plantars Cheez Balls are my childhood.

At the grocery store, while my mom was getting eggs or bread or something healthy, I was stockpiling these drums of golden, crunchy, cheesy spheres into our cart. I never questioned the anthropomorphic peanut as a mascot.

Thanks Cheez Balls for contributing to my childhood obesity!

A Hanker For A HUNK O' Cheese!

This chubby bastard liked to swagger around like he owns the place, daring kids to eat "hunks" of cheese after school. Remember this guy? Apparently they started running PSAs with this yellow doofus in the 70s, but I remember his round shape disrupting my precious Saturday morning cartoons during my chubby-childhood days of the early 80s.

 He says cheese on a cracker is a nice after-school snack, but too bad the drunken transient looks like a delicious cheese-puff, or a fried macaroni and cheese ball! So naturally I opted to dig my dimpled hands into the dangerously sharp aluminum can of cheese-balls instead. Great job ABC!



I'll eat YOU, you cheesy old-timer! He IS made of cheese right?

"Baked means not fried! But is still full of magical fattening juice!"

Totino's Pizza ROLLS!

Oh man do I remember Totino's Pizza Rolls?! Don't you?! If you don't, I don't want to know you... Or maybe I want to get to know you so I can introduce you to these crispy "Italian"-style won tons and you'll never forget who introduced them to you. They're amazing little pockets of cheese and pepperoni, like folded up little blankets of pizza that you can shove down your chubby gullet until Muppet Babies is over! Then you can shuffle over to the living room tv with your chocolate milk and play Bubble Bobble all night until you puke! Mmmmm! Anyway here's a kick ass video about those greasy little pockets of love!

You better share! And not just the ones that burst open in the oven and oozed out half the filling that stuck to the pan! You gluttonous chubb!

Sheila Take a Bite

Hello to all you good folks, i'll be posting on here as reverbunny. I've been friends with MisterSh0w since we were kids and most of our pop culture obsessions stem from growing up together. I'll be disecting a great deal many old obsessions and childhood memories as only a neurotic mentalcase can. Treating this as a sort of pop culture exorcism.

I'll introduce myself with a very short thought about 80's culture and food. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Pies...to look at them now would be to seriously want to throw up, but as a kid, I remember trading my snacks just to have as many as possible, I couldn't get enough. Apparently the secret of the ooze was high fructose corn syrup.

Fried Chicken Skin...

When I was a kid, I only wanted to eat the golden, greasy chicken skin off of that dirty bastard Colonel's secret spiced chicken... Fuck you Colonel Sanders... FUCK you.

You smug racist asshole!!!! And your delicious chicken!!!!

IT'S INNA BOOK!

Hi. I'm Ann Whatever and I want to thank Mistersh0w for letting me write on his blog. All I had to do was force a New Coke/Crystal Pepsi suicide mix down his mouth...

And now the wonders of public television!

COOL SHIT!

So I'm gonna try to post some "video-review" type clips of cool shit that I come across from time to time. This segment features the NERDTASTIC Official Ghostbusters Proton Pack Backpack! Check out the video and comment on how fat and nerdy I am in the comments section woncha!?!? If you don't I'll cry, but I'll cry no matter what so don't feel obligated or anything!



If you want to buy yourself a spiffy Official Ghostbusters Proton Pack Backpack go to

WELQUIM!

Welcome to my blog, The 80s Made Me Fat!

It's true, more so than genetics, or delicious, delicious 99cent Jack in the Box tacos, the 1980s is what I choose to blame for my technical obesity. I weigh probably something like, 280+ pounds and it's all because of McDonalds Happy Meal toys, Burger King Kids Club toys, The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and their fucking horrible and delicious pizza addiction, and other sweet, scrumptious, candy coated, deep fried, creme filled, lightly frosted, trans-fat loaded, honey dipped, charbroiled, BBQ sauced, melted of cheese and delicately breaded deadly treats that I consumed from 1982 all the way to 2010.

This blog is for all the nerds, dorks, dweebs and everyone else who fought the colorfully animated asexual cartoon food spokesthings of the 1980s and lost!

Oh and also for collecting, hoarding, and other nerdisms that come with being a now adult fat nerd of the 80s!

Enjoy!